note to self: top five reasons for not killing myself
30 Dec 2007 1 Comment
in christianity, depression, faith, family, personal, religion, theology, top five Tags: after life, apostle paul, deterrents, ECT, ER, family, god, psych ward, suicide, thorn
1. there will be no self/consciousness as i know it. sure enough i believe in an after life (a happy one at that – one with jesus). but will “life” after death be of the same kind as life as i know it? i don’t think so. (and this is a bad thing?)
2. people will have to tell my nieces and nephews that they used to have an aunt who loved them alot! i mean a lot! and my family members (especially my siblings) and my friends would be heart-broken. (but would they prefer a living aunt/sister/daughter/friend who is suffering immensely from depression?)
3. family reputation (especially that of my mom and dad) will be ruined. (i see no way out of this one.)
4. if i should fail in killing myself i will once again end up in the ER then in the psych ward for only god knows how long. and my doctors might decide to do ECT on me, what is left of me anyway. (the best deterrent for not killing myself if there ever was one)
5. i can’t think of the fifth reason…maybe god would be disappointed? (i don’t really believe that god would be disappointed. i mean, isn’t god permitting me and apostle paul with the thorn on his side and all to suffer?)
no you didn’t! top five comments my clueless mom and dad made about me in the past 10 days
29 Dec 2007 2 Comments
in depression, family, seoul, tokyo, top five Tags: clueless, dad, depression, mental illness, mom, parents, personal, psych ward, seoul, sister, smoking, stigmas about depression, suicide, tokyo, top five
1. who’s the parent?
my dad told my younger sister that she better marry me off or make me lose weight!
2. as if!
i said to my dad, how can you write a book on how to be wealthy (happy) when your own daughter has made so many trips to the hospital? my dad told me to read the book.
then i said to my mom, how can you help strangers as a psychologist when you can’t even understand your own daughter who has depression? my mom said, depression is not my specialty.
when i asked them both if they have read even one book on depression on my account my dad said, depression is basic knowledge.
yeah, whatever (my response).
3. psych ward vs new otani hotel in tokyo
when my dad found out how much each intake to the hospital costs he said, that’s why i’m not worried when you’re in the hospital. staying at the hospital is cheaper than staying at new otani hotel (where we stayed when we were in tokyo) and because the hospital even feeds you.
4. silver lining
my dad said to me, i’m hoping that when you get over your struggles, that you can write a book on happiness and help others.
okay maybe this one doesn’t sound so bad out of context. maybe you had to be there. it would be okay that my dad made this comment if he made even one comment about how difficult it might be for me to live. and the fact is that this comment and the comment above are the only acknowledgement my dad has made about my hospital visits and my depression. he just doesn’t get it!!!
5. duh???
my sister made the comment (in response to something i did or something my mom said) that it’s more important for me to be alive (meaning not kill myself) than it is for me to not smoke. my mom responded by saying, i wish she would quit smoking at least.
ok, so between having a daughter who is living but smokes and having a dead daughter, she would choose the second option if it means i won’t be smoking anymore?
pictures from japan and korea dec 2007
29 Dec 2007 Leave a Comment
in food, frozen yogurt, reviews, seoul, tokyo Tags: frozen yogurt, japan, korea, lotteworld, redmango, review
pictures of the bestest ramen place in tokyo! sorry – no picture of the ramen b/c i was too busy eating. 
we also went to the bestest curry udon place the next day. we met up with our nephew and we were too busy trying to win him over that i didn’t take pictures of the place or the food. i had the best tonkatsu curry udon ever! my nephew is really cute. he’s three years old but this is only my second time seeing him. he only speaks japanese so we had to win him over with super mario brothers. hehe
red mango
i didn’t eat all three! smoothest frozen yogurt i ever tasted. inside decor was not as nice as pinkberry in koreatown in nyc. toppings were not fresh (they were canned fruit!) and the taste of the frozen yogurt itself was nothing to write home about. oh well.
lotteworld adventure (location of redmango that i went to) – maybe other locations have better ambience? i didn’t take a picture of the inside of the redmango store i went to b/c it just looked like a fast food store!
prosperity gospel – does god want you to be happy?
29 Dec 2007 3 Comments
in christianity, faith, family, personal, religion, theology Tags: 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, apostle paul, blessing, faith, grace, prosperity gospel, religion, theology, thorn
so the tradition i was brought up in, is big on prosperity gospel. god wants to bless us, spiritually and materially. if we keep god’s commandments, pray hard and live in accordance to god’s will, god will show god’s favor upon us. and of course, to complicate matters, the tradition i believe in now is not big on prosperity, at least not in the way most prosperity preachers would like their congregation to believe.
i just read dave sung’s blog where he asks what prosperity gospel folks would do with the passage where apostle paul asks god three times, to take the thorn away from his side and god responds to paul by telling him that god’ grace is sufficient for him (pasted from dave sung’s blog out of laziness on my part):
7 To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)
so how would prosperity (god wants to bless us – physically, materially, spiritually) gospel preachers respond to this passage?
i think the problem with prosperity gospel is that they emphasize material (wealth, health, etc.) blessing at the expense of spiritual blessing. and those who criticize prosperity gospel folks do it at the expense of limiting how god can/does bless us. granted, i know those who are pointing fingers at prosperity gospel preachers are saying they are limiting god and choosing to believe in a god who is like a santa clause – giving toys (or blessing) to those who are good (theough works, not grace). and well, i can’t disagree there! they are picking and choosing to believe in a god that does not fully capture who god is as revealed through the hebrew bible and the new testament.
but the non-prosperity gospel preachers don’t/can’t/couldn’t deny that god could bless us if god chooses to – in all aspects, not only spiritually, but materially, physically, etc. we can’t run with hebrew bible (as well as some NT) passages where god says do X and god will bless you. for instance, if you commit your works to god, or if you ask, if you have faith, etc. then god will “bless” you. now exactly what the blessing is, isn’t that what prosperity gospel preachers are choosing to focus on wealth, health, etc. BUT they shouldn’t leave out spiritual blessing. and those who are non-prosperity preachers shouldn’t just say god blesses us spiritually because god can and does bless us in anyway god chooses to.
i just realized that the distinctions i’m seeing here explain why my parents and i don’t understand each other sometimes! okay, a lot of times. wowsers.
in transit
28 Dec 2007 Leave a Comment
in family, food, frozen yogurt, personal, reviews, seoul Tags: boston, family, going home, personal, redmango, seoul, tokyo
i’m leaving korea tomorrow morning! the trip has been meaningful. it was a lot of quality family time.
we spent three days in japan and we got to see our uncle, aunt, and nephew. i hadn’t seen all of them in like two and a half years so it was great to see them again.
i finally got to try redmango today. the frozen yogurt was really smooth. but the toppings weren’t as good as back in the states. i have some pictures which i will load up when i get back home.
man, i’m so ready to come back home. my parents want me to spend about a year in korea. so i said, no can do. i don’t know why but i’m really scared to live in korea.
my brother went with his classmates to clean up the oil spill damage. so i won’t be able to see him before i leave tomorrow, i think. i sure wish i could see him before i leave.
i feel good. really good.
