bleuemoon

since i cannot die

28 Jan 2008 2 Comments

by bleuemoon in depression, personal Tags: death, final exit

i live because  i cannot die.  well, it’s not entirely true that i cannot die.  i’m sure i could die. it’s just that i don’t want to live.  my depression seems to be getting worse.  the psych medicine i’m on seems to have stopped working.  i have been to the hospital too many times.  it’s pathetic really.  i can’t make a final exit that is too obvious.  i’ll have to choose a discrete way of dying.  i wouldn’t want anyone who knows me to find me dead.  no one should be able to conclude that i chose the final exit.  it will have to be a smart way to exit.  i’ll have to plan out the details carefully.  in the meantime i’ll have to live.  but i live because i cannot die, at least not yet.