dissociation
12 Apr 2008 1 Comment
in depression, personal Tags: depression, dissociation
so my therapist told me that i was dissociated (?) on wednesday. i felt in and out of focus in my attention and felt like i was floating. i had a difficult time holding up my body, moving, etc. who knew you could be dissociated for 5-6 hours! that’s insane!!!
wednesday wasn’t the first time i felt that way. so i must do it as a way to cope with my life. you gotta do what you gotta do, i guess.
i sure hope i won’t feel like that again any time soon. it felt awful. yuck!
yesterday
10 Apr 2008 1 Comment
in christianity, depression, faith, personal, religion Tags: depression, pain, suffering
i felt so awful yesterday. i felt physical pain as well as emotional distress. i didn’t feel that i could move so i couldn’t go exercise as planned. somehow i managed to go to group therapy. during group i felt like i was floating, my attention was going in and out, and basically i think i was detached from my surroundings. my sister had dropped me off. and i asked her to pick me up because i didn’t think i could walk home. man oh man. i didn’t know i could feel so bad. usually when i feel bad i stay in bed so i’m not aware of the physical sensations that my emotional state cases. yesterday, however, since i managed to get to group, i was conscious of the physical discomfort associated with feeling badly emotionally.
thank god i feel better this morning. i went to morning prayer and i’m really glad that i went. there’s nothing i look forward to or care about except for morning prayer.
was jesus gay?
07 Apr 2008 2 Comments
in christianity, faith, religion, theology Tags: christianity, gay, jesus, theology
for class this week, we’re reading a book by theodore w. jennings, jr. – the man jesus loved. i’ve only read the first hundred pages so far. the argument is mainly based on gospel of john in the first part where the author argues that the disciple whom jesus loves indicates not only that jesus was his lover but also that this love was of physical nature, setting it apart from the love jesus expressed for other disciples. it’s amazing how much one can go on just a few phrases in the text! the author compares the beloved disciple and jesus’ relationship to a marriage basing it on the dialogue when jesus was on the cross. jesus tells his mother, woman behold your son. and to the beloved disciple, behold your mother.
i honestly think that the text doesn’t really support the author’s argument that jesus and the beloved disciple were romantically involved. but i think jesus, as he cared for oppressed people, loved all those who were marginalized by the society.
if jesus were gay-friendly, would this/should this affect our faith? what if jesus himself was gay? does it even make sense that god/man would be either heterosexual or homosexual? at the same time, as the author states, if jesus was fully human, wouldn’t he have had some sort of sexual orientation?
class will be interesting, no doubt!
thesis!!!
07 Apr 2008 Leave a Comment
in personal
the first draft of my thesis is due tomorrow (i think). i’m still trying to finish up the reading! oh man oh man…
miraculously, it seems, i have been able to understand and remember what i’ve been reading! praise God!!! i feel infinitely better about life and about myself. 
the past week has been pretty low-key emotionally. i guess i could say that i’m feeling pretty stable. weird!
