grace
13 May 2008 Leave a Comment
in personal, religion, theology Tags: good news, grace, stress
it turns out that my professor/advisor was expecting the thesis at the end of the month. so i didn’t miss a deadline last monday when i thought i was supposed to turn in a chapter! so all the stress i experienced, well, i want to say that was good for me. but it was way too much stress. it shut me down this weekend, that’s for sure. i can work well with moderately stressful deadlines. but i can’t work with extremely stressful deadlines. i don’t know where the boundaries are – someone else can figure that out i’m sure.
so that’s one big good news.
then i checked my grades just in case i got them. and what do you know? a grad i feel totally undeserving of, staring right at me. wow. i didn’t fail the class. yes i always fear i’m going to fail the class. and yes, i did well. quite well actually. and all the time i was worried that the prof thought i was incompetent or something. man i gotta really work on my academic self image: the academic iamge of myself now is that i’m incompetent and cant’ get things done on time and that i can’t think original thoughts, and … i’ll spare you and stop right there. 
i am so relieved to find out that my professor wasn’t about to let me get kicked out of the program.
i’m trying to wrap my head around the concept of grace. and i can’t. but grace covers me. yeah.
business proposal
13 May 2008 1 Comment
in personal Tags: business proposal, supply and demand, tutoring
i know i know. i gotta milk the cow while the milk is flowing. but i just want to say that i’m thinking about tutoring on my own. time is really flexible and pay is good. it might even feel good and pay some bills! any ideas how to recruit students? i was telling a friend about my idea and said yup, i’m shamelessly targetting (i said “exploiting”) the rich kids/parents. my friend said there is no such thing as exploiting of the rich. hmmm. anyway if there is a demand for high quality tutoring at a premium cost, then bring it on! that’s what i say.
the muse is back
13 May 2008 Leave a Comment
in christianity, faith, personal Tags: Add new tag, creativity, muse, thesis, writer's block
yeah baby! the muse is back! praise the Lord! i was stuck on page 9 since friday morning. it is now tuesday afternoon. i wrote and wrote and next thing i knew, i was on page 11! i didn’t even notice page 10! wow. let the creative juices keep flowing. i gotta ride this wave until it washes out on the shore. thank you God!
gift
13 May 2008 Leave a Comment
in depression, faith, personal, religion, theology Tags: ativan, depression, gift, god, mental illness
since i can’t write at the moment, i’ve been generating all kinds of ideas for what i can do in case i have to drop out of school. yes – it would be really unfortunate to have finished your course work and not graduate because you can’t turn in a thesis. i really love theology/philosophy of religion. i think i even have theological/philosophical talent! so why can’t i write a paper when i’ve written so many papers in my life already?
i must say that i was feeling really horrible over the weekend and earlier today. and then when i started taking ativan which my doctor called into a pharmacy (okay she faxed it in b/c the law requires it), i feel infinitely better! infinitely and a bout a gazillion galaxies better! i always think to myself, after i take a medicine that works to relieve the emotional/physical pain and suffering, why didn’t i take the medicine earlier? like why did i refuse meds the first time i had a depression episode? i could have been so much more productive and felt so much better!
if you have a medicine that works for you (for physical or mental illness), take it! it’s a gift from god!
i didn’t think about medicine as god’s grace being extended to me. if i had thought of things that way, and took meds earlier, i think i would be a different person right now.
