Tethering on iPhone 3.0 without jailbreaking
25 Jun 2009 Leave a Comment
in apple, personal, seoul Tags: bluetooth, internet, iPhone, jailbreaking, tethering
so so happy about thetering on my new iPhone 3G S!!! i can even talk on the phone while connected to the Internet by tethering with my i Phone via bluetooth (can also use USB port). what else can i say? love it love it love it! love apple! love ATT! can you tell, tethering and upgraded seat (see previous post) just totally put me in the bestest mood as i start off my trip to korea???
great (start to) trip to korea!!!
25 Jun 2009 Leave a Comment
in family, seoul Tags: business class, kroean air, seoul, upgrade
i am sitting in the business class lounge of korean air because i got upgraded for free! yeah. sometimesi airline overbooking works to your advantage. hehe so free food, easy free Internet connection, and quiet seat until departure. then hopefully AC connection on the plane and roomy seat and better service all around! can’t believe how much more i am looking forward to the entire trip to korea to visit my parents since i found out about my upgraded! hehe i know. pretty shallow, don’t you think? but hey, comfort first before anything else when you might sleep for a long long time and then some more until your each your destination to a country over the pacific ocean!!!
so hard to go home
24 Jun 2009 Leave a Comment
in family, relationship, seoul Tags: anxiety, family, home, korea, parents, seoul
why is it so hard to go home? i am supposed to fly to korea tomorrow morning. i don’t want to pack. i don’t know how i’m going to manage to keep myself busy or sleep for the entire 12-14 hrs of the flight from jfk. and when i’m there except for 2-3 when my trip will overlap with a friend who is also visiting korea (from germany), i wil know no one else outside of my family, i mean, practically no one. i fear that i will feel trapped in my parent’s apartment, no where to go, no one to hang out with, nothing to do. well, the last bit i have some control over. it’s not like i do a lot of things outside of the home here either. i mostly stay in my bedroom. i don’t even spend that much time in the living room. and most of the time, i am doing things on my computer. so maybe it doesn’t really matter that i will be in korea? it’s just that everyone will be sleeping when i am up and i will be sleeping when everyone is up. well, that’s not entirely true. my bf will be up at about the same time as me and sleeping around the same time i might be. it’s just that his sleep schedule is non-existent. so maybe of all the people my waking hours might coincide the most with his.
what makes it so hard to go home? my goodness it’s hard. i’m having all kinds of pre-anxiety to anxiety to darn right overwhelming flood of anxiety about going home to see my parents. i mean, all kinds of things are causing anxiety: plane ride, hours spent at home, hours not spent at home, talking to my parents, not talking to my parents, doomed if they hear me and doomed if they don’t hear me. only thing i am sure i will like about my trip is coming back home, my home. 
i tend to post more when i’m in korea so more frequent blogs to come in the next two weeks.
home
10 Jun 2009 Leave a Comment
in family, personal, relationship, seoul Tags: going home, home, korea, parents
i didn’t go to korea to visit my parents this week as planned. it must sound so bad. but i feel really really good about this. i know my parents love me. i know i love them. but where does the desire to want to see them or to spend time with them come from? i’m not really getting a huge overwhelming sense of guilt nor the desire to go visit them. i have felt this way for a few years now. okay, maybe i have felt this way for over a decade. living away from one’s parents, when you visit your parents, one would think that you feel at home when you go visit, right? i don’t feel like i am visiting home when i go to visit my parents in korea. all i feel is that i am visiting my parents in the place they happen to be living. korea doesn’t seem like the place in which i grew up. i don’t feel at home there. i don’t feel at home with my parents either. strangely, but honestly, i feel at home in otherways, in other places, with other people. feeling at home is a mysterious and delicate feeling. and lately i don’t know where i feel at home. i sure do love to rest on my bed though, in my room, in the apartment i live with my sister.
nrb (karaoke) for 3 hrs – un/requited love
08 Jun 2009 Leave a Comment
in personal, relationship Tags: boyfriend, depression, despair, happiness, karaoke, love, nrb, relationship, requited love, suicidal ideation, suicide, unrequited love
this past weekend, i was visiting my bf and we went to no-rae-bang (aka nrb = karaoke) for 3 hours! it was just the two of us. that means each of us sang for about an hour and a half. mind you, neither of us are part of a choir or anything like that. i can’t remember the last time i was at nrb!
it was so sweet that my bf sang couple songs to me in korean. i took a break from dating for about ten years before i met my current bf so it’s really strange not to be single. it’s so nice and absolutely lovely that someone (someone i like) likes me and wants to be with me (at the same time i want to be with them)! always always in the past it’s bad timing or some variation of unrequited love on either party. mostly i would lose interest in about a month. so i warned my bf too when we started dating that i expire in about a month in a relationship.
it’s really strange i must say. all the phobias i have about intimacy, commitment and whatever else just disappeared. not scared to get to know someone really well. not scared someone is getting to know me really well. not scared that he won’t like me the more he get to know me. and more and more interested everyday as i get to know him better. i mean, is this why people stay in one relationship for a long long time? never knew why people would do such a crazy thing. think i’m experiencing why anyone would.
so i’m wondering, i mean, i think the honey-moon stage lasted the first time we had to really figure out now to communicate better. i wanted to just get off the phone and sleep. he didn’t want me to just walk away from things we were talking about. usually i just walk out on the relationship all together, let alone carry out the conversation to the end. but somehow we talked it through, managed to end feeling better than when we started talking about stuff that was upsetting to both of us, and felt closer (at least on my end) than before too. but do things really stay this good? ok, granted it’s not always up and up and up and i’m not constantly experiencing feelings of happiness or ecstasy. but for the most part, i feel good being with my current bf than not. i think we’re both better with each other than we are alone or with other people we might be dating.
so anyway, plenty of things to blog about now even though my depression isn’t so crazy bad anymore. after about 7 yrs of hard-core depression and constant battle with suicidal ideation, being happy for an enduring period of time of any length is just so strange. i feel like i’m living someone else’s life! i know i’m not. i know it’s my life that has taken an absolutely amazing turn for the better. and that my bf really knows me well, especially at my worst, and still is interested in me and loves me. but man, talk about radical acceptance! there are times when i wonder if all of it is really real!
