one day left in korea
06 Jul 2009 Leave a Comment
in family, relationship, seoul Tags: bittersweet, boyfriend, girlfriend, going home, requited love, unrequited love
maybe the only word that fits the way i feel is “bitter sweet” i want to go home at last, my home in boston. but it was great seeing my parents and spending lots and lots of time with my brother. we contemplated about going on a short trip to India but didn’t act on it so our inaction decided for us. 
it’s been difficult to communicate with my bf, obviously. when you’re single and wondering who likes you or who doesn’t like you and who you like and who you don’t like, the name of the game is certainty, right? you think someone is or might be interested. ooooh how life would be so easy if he/she would just come right out and say so?
my bf and i started dating each other exclusive fairly early from when we met. became bg & gf officially near the end of the first month of dating. what i want to say is that even though we have this official status as bf and gf, if we don’t get to talk for a while i still need way of communicating that he still loves me. it’s quite different, isn’t it? knowing someone loves you vs hearing them say ILY or having them do things that shout out i love you!
i think i definitely respond more with verbal affirmations. it’s just the kind of person i am. love hugs and kisses, and everything else, but would like to hear other person say or do things that speak ILY to me clearly and loudly! boy, i wish my bf were reading my blogs, but i don’t think he is. hehe
Worst Green Tea Bingso at Coex Redmango
05 Jul 2009 Leave a Comment
in frozen yogurt, personal, seoul Tags: coex, green tea bingsoo, mocchi, red mango, toppings
so my german son and i went to coex, located in kangnam of seoul. first of regular topics were very limited in selection. i almost never get cereal on top of my frozen yogurt. but at that time and place, corn flakes seemed like the best topping to put on my red mango frozen ice cream.
we asked if they had mochi as a topping. the worker gave us deer caught in the headlight look and said, do you have that as a topping where you come from? we don’t have mochi as a topping. not all stores are the same across countries.
so after some mix up, we finally communicate to the worker that my son wants a green tea bingso. when it came out, it looked pretty.
and so anyway: as for the taste – the worst green tea bingsoo we ever had! green tea powder didn’t mix well with the ice and we just left the barely eaten bingsoo on the counter hoping that they would notice we did not like it too much.
irony
05 Jul 2009 Leave a Comment
in depression, family, personal, relationship Tags: depression, guilt, overdose, sadness, temporary escape
even when things are going well, it’s possible to feel like nothing is going well. and i know that it’s all a matter of perspective. well, i’m having problems with the perspective thing. i’m feeling sad, inadequate, and lots of guilt. sure enough i have a medical condition, i need help of others at times to stay safe. but i don’t want to be like this. i hate that i need others to babysit me. i hate that people worry about me and need to check up on me. i hate that my doctor can’t trust me with a newly filled bottle of prescription medicine. i hate that i need group therapy as well as individual therapy. most of all i hate the fact that i still am not able to contract for safety 24/7. because, on days like this when i feel extremely sad, probably over nothing warranting this kind of sadness, i just want to escape. i’m over the i want to end my life phase. but still there are days i just want to check out temporarily even if i no longer want a permanent escape. so i’m contemplating a little escape for myself right here right now to extend the night into the day, for as long as i can to stay in deep sleep without interruption of being woken up in the morning.
