heart break
19 Apr 2010 Leave a Comment
in christianity, faith, god, new york, religion Tags: heart break, service, worship
yesterday towards end of the service, i nearly came to tears. during the service, some of the kids were really distracted. at one point, almost everyone got up to see what happened in the kitchen (service is in the cafeteria open to kitchen area) when we heard a popping noise. before saying a prayer at the end, i told them how service is for God and that all the interruptions and talking during the service is interruption and talking during worship of God. as i was saying this, i could feel tears welling up in my eyes and my voice choking up. it wasn’t so much i was hurt by how service went. but everything that happened points to how real God is in our lives. it’s fine to talk while i’m talking generally speaking, except when it’s during service and i’m in the middle of preaching a message i think would help all of us come closer to God! some of the kids said they were sorry. i said, don’t be sorry to me. i hope they realize it’s not really my heart they are breaking.
yuck
19 Apr 2010 Leave a Comment
had/having a hard day today. woke up dizzy. couldn’t go exercise. just felt really irritable and pessimistic. i was getting all worked up too. i agreed to something that would take place at church. but i realized i don’t feel okay with how things are going to change when i do that. i’m feeling pretty yucky… why did i say yes when i was feeling no?
what to do?
08 Apr 2010 Leave a Comment
in depression Tags: anti-anxiety, antidepressant, muscle relaxer
after the car accident on sunday evening, i have been experiencing pain in my back and shoulder/neck area. so doctor prescribed me some pain relievers. i’m pretty sure he has a list of all the other medicine i’m on. but at least four of the medicine i am taking interfere with each other: take-as-needed-pain reliever i was just prescribed, the muscle relaxer, anti-anxiety medicine that i take as needed, and antidepressant i’ve been taking for couple of years are listed as medicine not to mix. i’m hoping my doctor knows what he’s doing. i don’t want to be feeling pain so i don’t want to go without pain relievers. certainly don’t want to feel anxious and don’t want to be depressed.
hmmm…
good thing
07 Apr 2010 1 Comment
in christianity, depression, faith, god, new york, personal, religion Tags: pain killer
on beautiful easter sunday evening, i got rear ended. car was damaged more than it appeared at first. no wonder my body is bent out of shape. presently prescribed three different kinds of pain relievers. good thing i am not wanting to end my life because i have access to stuff that could kill me. life is funny that way. when i was really depressed and didn’t want to live, i couldn’t get meds strong enough. at last i have plenty of meds that could kill me but now i no longer am interested in ending my life. good thing the car accident that caused bad back and neck pain happened now and not a year ago. if the accident had happened a year ago, i may have not been prescribed the medicine and have to live through the pain or would have abused pain medicine for purposes not intended by doctors who prescribed them to me. actually, i think my psychiatrist might be shocked at different kinds of pain relievers that have been prescribed and also that i have a lot of it in possession. my psychiatrist still gives me one week’s worth of anti-anxiety medicine at a time. kind of funny considering my pcp prescribes to me months worth of pain killers at once and some of them with refills! thank God i am not tempted by having all the medicine i have all at once.
