huh,
21 Nov 2011 1 Comment
in christianity, faith, god, personal, relationship Tags: broken heart, relationship
i am rapidly declining… i thought i was doing well. but this weekend, i hit another bump. now i’m not sure what’s good for me. i guess i know what i need. i mean, i was starting to think i needed my ex-boyfriend if i can’t make it through this break up. but then i realized, man, if i can’t make it through this break-up, being with my ex-boyfriend isn’t going to be much help. so with or without him, with or without being inebriated, i’m gonna have to make this work. i’m it. me plus God. that’s all i got.
All is Well
17 Nov 2011 1 Comment
in personal, relationship Tags: healing, heart break, romance
All is well with my soul. I didn’t think time healed. But it does! Amazing! I’m not one hundred percent over my ex-boyfriend. But I’m well enough to function. Thank God!
the worst
13 Nov 2011 2 Comments
in depression, faith, personal, relationship
life sucks. hope is gone. i want to linger in self pity. wallow in low self esteem. not sure what matters. or that anything matters at all. i don’t care. not even sure if there is anything i do care for. life is just unbearable. that’s all i can say for now.
crying on the inside
10 Nov 2011 1 Comment
in faith, god, personal, relationship Tags: heart break, love of my life, marriage, rejection, unrequieted love
well, maybe it doesn’t really matter that i’m crying on the inside if tears are flowing down on my face as well? i feel sadness all around me and in me. being paged to ICU patients who are kept alive by ventilators…comforting families at the end of life with their loved ones…and well, in other news, in my personal life, i think for the last time my boyfriend and i are no longer dating. it’s a strange phenomena actually. i feel sad. i feel it was the right and best decision for both of us. we both care about each other more than we do about anyone else in this world. i want to spend the rest of my life with him and don’t want any one else but myself to spend the rest of our lives together. not true for my ex-boyfriend. yes, he cares about me. yes, he’s greatly appreciative of all the ways in which i helped him in his life. no, he will never forget me. yes, i will always be in his heart. best heart-felt break up i was ever a part of. something in me tells me that while i love him and would and could spend rest of my life with him, that it would be stupid, hurtful to myself to stay with him when he doesn’t feel the same way about me. i love him under any condition and circumstance. he loves me in a limited way – here and now for while things work out for both of us, but not enough to commit himself whole-heartedly to growing and working together. i sense that i will benefit immensely from not being part of a relationship where it was impossible for there to be a future. but the pain and sadness now is real. with God by myself and some spirits in me, i’m good to go.
