antidepressants

so what psychiatric medicines are you on?  my main antidepressant is effexor.  but since my last hospital visit, my doctors are slowly taking me off it.  they took me off ritalin completely, which i think is for the best.  i was on lithium only for about a week and a half before they realized it may not be working for me.  i am still on abilify and lamictal.  i think abilify is the drug that is/has been making me gain weight!  oh well. 

i told my mom and brother that i am coming off of some medicine and they were so excited.  they can’t wait until i am completely off psych meds.  my doctor and i know, however that i am on psych meds indefinitely, for as long as relapse is a possibility.  it’s kind of sad that my family and friends have such a hard time accepting that i have uinipolar depression.  one of my friend said, if you have bipolar depression, you really need meds, but i don’t understand why your doctors prescribe you so many pills.  i’m like, what duh???  the difference between bipolar depression and major depression is simple.  with bipolar depression, one has extreme ups and extreme downs.  with major depression, one only has extreme downs, hence the name unipolar depression.  i sometimes wish i were bipolar so that i could be super productive and not need sleep, etc.  but that’s really silly, isn’t it?  it’s hard enough to cope with unipolar depression.  coping with manic episodes is not something i honestly wish for.  in this instance, the grass does not look greener on the other side. 

getting back to antidepressants and psych meds in general, contrary to what some people might say and/or believe, they are not “happy” meds which magically deliver more self confidence or happiness!  it’s actually rather depressing that with meds, i don’t start my day off way down the “normal” range of feelings, but am brought to a level of manageable feelings/mood which is where most people naturally start of their day.  so yes, i’m thankful doe my meds.  no life doesn’t get easier with meds that i’m taking.  life becomes manageable and at times even bearable.  and without meds, life is a torture, the kind of torture and sickness that would have one wish for death.  (read sickness unto death by soren kierkegaard if you want an analytical exploration of despair!)

speaking of which, i better take my night time meds. 

Author: bleuemoon

PhD Student in theology, pastor, chaplain...

2 thoughts on “antidepressants”

  1. luckily im on the lowest dose of effexor and they havent had to increase it….i was trying to elxplain to my boyfriend about how it literally overwhelms me. I can be in a good mood, and if i start thinking about sad things i get this weight on my sholders, so i just try to bring myself above it, move my thoughts to happier things. soemetimes it works, sometimes no.
    My mom doesnt understand it either. How hard and useless life feels when your depressed, she says “depression is a crutch”….but hey, i dont WANT to be on these meds for the rest of my life but if its the thing thats going to keep me alive, here, and happy then i’ll do what ever it takes and theres a complete difference in my attidtude towards everyone when im on them compared to the days i forget to take the pill

    Like

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