since i cannot die

i live because  i cannot die.  well, it’s not entirely true that i cannot die.  i’m sure i could die. it’s just that i don’t want to live.  my depression seems to be getting worse.  the psych medicine i’m on seems to have stopped working.  i have been to the hospital too many times.  it’s pathetic really.  i can’t make a final exit that is too obvious.  i’ll have to choose a discrete way of dying.  i wouldn’t want anyone who knows me to find me dead.  no one should be able to conclude that i chose the final exit.  it will have to be a smart way to exit.  i’ll have to plan out the details carefully.  in the meantime i’ll have to live.  but i live because i cannot die, at least not yet.

Author: bleuemoon

PhD Student in theology, pastor, chaplain...

2 thoughts on “since i cannot die”

  1. I am being successfully treated for severe depression. Maybe you need a new psychologist? A new medication?

    Like

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