i live because i cannot die. well, it’s not entirely true that i cannot die. i’m sure i could die. it’s just that i don’t want to live. my depression seems to be getting worse. the psych medicine i’m on seems to have stopped working. i have been to the hospital too many times. it’s pathetic really. i can’t make a final exit that is too obvious. i’ll have to choose a discrete way of dying. i wouldn’t want anyone who knows me to find me dead. no one should be able to conclude that i chose the final exit. it will have to be a smart way to exit. i’ll have to plan out the details carefully. in the meantime i’ll have to live. but i live because i cannot die, at least not yet.