methylphenidate

i had a psychopharm consult today and she put me back on ritalin.  i’m kind of looking forward to it since i have to do a lot a lot of reading this weekend.  i don’t know why they took me off of ritalin in the first place.  since i’ve been off ritalin i’ve been sleeping a lot and feeling really tired.

meaninglessness

life still seems meaningless. but the intensity of that feeling/thought has decreased. i talked to a doctor today who suggested that my chronic depression may not be so chronic. i’m not sure what she meant by that. i think she meant that i didn’t really want to die. it’s true that i am not actively wanting to kill myself. i’m just not sure that i want to live.

efficacy of prayer

i went to morning prayer this morning.  i am not even sure why i went since i don’t think that god is listening to my prayers.  i prayed for another person and felt really weird about doing that.  i think i’m going through a crisis of some sort spiritually.  nothing makes sense anymore.  i’m not sure what i believe anymore.