i’m on ativan again. it miraculously lifted all my anxiety in about an hour; it started kicking in 30 minutes after i took it but could really notice feeling better after about an hour. i was wondering, does it mean that with the help of all the meds i’m on, that i can do what i enjoy and want to do? or that since i need to take meds to do what i want, that maybe i should do something else? something else that doesn’t require me to need medicine? it seems silly to ask it, especially when i wrote it and can see it on the screen. i mean, if i had some other passion which didn’t require meds, then fine. i should do that. but since i don’t have dream “b” that i could pursue if dream “a” does not work out, i’ll count my blessings and go on pursuing! i mean, for some people, medicine doesn’t help either. so then what are they supposed to do? take an early retirement from life? so yeah. i want to pursue what i am passionate about, without without ativan, etc. etc. etc.