it turns out that my professor/advisor was expecting the thesis at the end of the month. so i didn’t miss a deadline last monday when i thought i was supposed to turn in a chapter! so all the stress i experienced, well, i want to say that was good for me. but it was way too much stress. it shut me down this weekend, that’s for sure. i can work well with moderately stressful deadlines. but i can’t work with extremely stressful deadlines. i don’t know where the boundaries are – someone else can figure that out i’m sure.
so that’s one big good news.
then i checked my grades just in case i got them. and what do you know? a grad i feel totally undeserving of, staring right at me. wow. i didn’t fail the class. yes i always fear i’m going to fail the class. and yes, i did well. quite well actually. and all the time i was worried that the prof thought i was incompetent or something. man i gotta really work on my academic self image: the academic iamge of myself now is that i’m incompetent and cant’ get things done on time and that i can’t think original thoughts, and … i’ll spare you and stop right there. 🙂
i am so relieved to find out that my professor wasn’t about to let me get kicked out of the program.
i’m trying to wrap my head around the concept of grace. and i can’t. but grace covers me. yeah.