will to live

it’s strange.  in the past few years i have struggled to find the will to live.  fighting against myself to stay alive, or fighting against myself to end my life.  and somehow i have managed to stay alive despite all the attempts.  and today i feel proud of being a part of this country.  i don’t have many things in my life that i look forward to, especially when depression gets bad.  but today i am looking forward to the next four years!  when things are bad, you don’t want things to be the same.  change is better than the same when things are bad.  when i don’t feel good too often anyway, it sucks that the world around me seems to be going in the wrong direction.  but i feel hopeful that things may turn around for this country.  and i feel hopeful that things might turn around for me too.  maybe there will come a day when i can think about my life, how to live it fully, rather than spending time and energy on how to end it.  

Author: bleuemoon

PhD Student in theology, pastor, chaplain...

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