moment of truth

isn’t it weird that when you have so much to do, you get so much done and even have time to reflect on things you haven’t had time to think about? so starting thursday through sunday i’m super busy. and of course monday through wednesday i sleep a lot and get pretty much nothing done. then thursday through sunday, i get more personal and professional stuff done than i ever thought imaginable!

so as i’m working on my work stuff, i had time to reflect on how things are in my life right now. and i’m so thankful. everything did happen for the best! i was extremely fortunate to have met my ex-boyfriend who helped me through really really tough times. i think sometimes when someone does something so helpful and so good, even if they do anything else that might not be so great, the good part somehow outshines the not so great parts. i had to hold on to disappointment and disapproval (?), anyway some kind of bad feeling towards my most recent ex-bf to be able to stand on my own two feet. but now that i am, and am so thankful for everything that happened and the way things turned out, i no longer harbor bad feelings towards him. if anything, i just wish him well. i hope things will go well for him in every aspect of his life: find the love of his life, find a great job, have abundant peace and happiness and joy in his life, etc…

how well i’m doing now, how i got here is with the help of my ex-bf, of course not all because of him. but he played a major role in how i got to where i am today. when i think about that, i have nothing but gratitude. really. thank you. 🙂

i think when you love someone and fall in love with someone (whatever the two things mean, i’m including both in my statement), even when you realize (know) things are not going to work out (even if temporarily you have to think of them as a “bad” person to get over them), the positive feelings about the person don’t just evaporate! it’s like if you were married and had kids with your spouse, whatever happens to the marriage, the person is still the mother or father of your kids. and that is something that never changes. well, ok. no kids involved obviously. nevertheless, whatever happened to the romantic relationship, the things that happened to both of us, the good things, the journey that got me to where i am and him to where he is, well, that remains. it’s a good thing too because i like where i am, who i am, and where i’ve been.

yesterday in a van packed with my “kids,” someone asked what age i would permanently like to be if i could choose. my answer was that i would choose to be permanently exactly as old as i am now because i am happy where i am now. and i don’t want to go back to the past to do things over. things that happened got me to where i am, made me who i am.

today is a very very good day. 🙂

Author: bleuemoon

PhD Student in theology, pastor, chaplain...

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