my mom is visiting me from korea. it’s kind of weird considering how i just came back from visiting my family in korea two weeks ago. other people think it’s weird too. they ask if there is any special reason for visiting, blah blah blah. it’s nice to have my mom here. it’s like having a friend visit only she has known me longer than any friend i ever had.
how do mothers do it? how do they, day after day, for years and years, continue to love you because you are their daughter/son? i wonder if my mom considers me as an extension of herself. my well being is tied to her well being somehow? it’s lovely.
why is it so hard to enjoy what i have in the present moment and be happy now? i hardly ever have regrets. and i’m not regretting decisions i made in the past. it’s just that sometimes i want a little bit of what i had in the past now, realizing that in the past i chose not to have whatever it is/was in my life (which means i had good reasons for choosing something else). i hate it when i know i had good reasons for my choices, but i miss the way things were, well, not entirely, only the good parts. 🙂
i saw my most recent ex-boyfriend twice in the past month! both times i ran into him totally randomly and unexpectedly. am i supposed to get some kind of message from running into him all of a sudden after not having seen or talked to him at all for the past 6, 7 months? i feel like it’s a sign of some kind, but what is it a sign for? it’s so unlikely that we run into each other too considering we don’t have any friends in common and don’t live in the same neighborhood. maybe the message i’m supposed to realize is that we are both living our lives happily, i.e. the break-up was good for both of us?
it’s so difficult to decide whether to follow reason or passion. what decides to adjudicate when the mind and the heart say different things???
so weird. i’m feeling better and better. i’m doing better and better. i’m more and more optimistic. i’m more and more confident. even when i am down i get up quickly. is this all for real???