i was feeling depressed all day yesterday and this morning. my thoughts were too dark to utter out loud to anyone except maybe to a therapist. since i don’t have a therapist right now, well, i didn’t really get to say what was on my mind. i tried to contain the thoughts and feelings inside me and prevent it from leading to self destructive acts. i haven’t felt this bad in a long long time. both the duration and intensity of how i was feeling was way more than i had experienced in about 6 months to a year. mostly because my mom is visiting me, there really was nothing i could do. so after being held to my bed as prisoner all day and all night and all morning, i came to the conclusion that enough is enough. time limit is up. no can do on feeling depressed any more for this week. i have a sermon to write, studying to do and preparations for new job coming up in few weeks. so for today at least i’m done being depressed. i don’t know how long my will power can keep dark thoughts from returning. i guess i’ll find out soon enough whether i’m successful or not.