when your wishes come true

sometimes you wish for something. and one day you get what you wished for. i’m having one of those experiences. i am getting to know someone better as he is getting to know me better. and as much as i hoped to meet someone who would actually care about what i think and actually see me, i am surprised that this is happening! what do you do when you finally meet someone who is starting to know you well enough to know what makes you hurt and what makes you laugh? it’s hard finding someone who “gets” you. but now that someone actually “gets” me, things are more complicated rather than being easier. i honestly think long-term relationship is out of the question more for his sake than for mine… i just want to be here for a while. i mean here’s someone who actually likes that i have a mind of my own. he actually likes me. he likes the person that i am right now, not someone he wishes i’ll become or the person i used to be. that feels really amazing. but i’m afraid if i stay too long, my heart will make decisions that my head should be making!

hardest thing

the hardest thing about quitting smoking is wanting to be healthy more than wanting to smoke. i don’t think i’ll ever get to the point of wanting to stop smoking. but i can believe that in the near future, i’ll want to be healthy and that desire surpassing my desire to keep smoking. diets never worked for me because whenever i tried to do a diet, i end up gaining weight. when i think of quitting smoking as an end in itself, i want to smoke more. i’ve been smoking more in the past 48 hrs as a result of a decision to not smoke over the weekend. i’m failing miserably at going just for the weekend without smoking. about a month ago, i went a month without smoking and during that time, i didn’t even have urges i was fighting against. so yeah, i guess the hardest thing about quitting smoking is wanting something else more than wanting to smoke. that something else is not happening just yet…