Meditation to Clear Clutter in your mind

I’m not an expert meditation and I’m not a regular practitioner of meditation.  But this meditation works for me because it is only 7 minutes long, it uses imagery of organizing a desk to declutter your mind (which works for me because I’m usually sitting AT MY DESK!), and guides you to organize or cut out clutter that you don’t need on your desk, I mean, your life!

No more binge eating! – thoughts on restricted diets

This article, Restrictive Dieting May Shorten Your Life, So That’s Bad News for Keto Dieters, talks about how restricted diets and how it’s not good for your health, including keto diet and other high-fat, low-carb diets like paleo, atkins, Dukan and Whole30.

So I wonder what they would say about vegetarians and vegans who choose to limit their diet, not to lose weight but for other principled reasons. Arguments still could apply the same way to vegetarians and vegans, but don’t think the life style of limiting diet affects vegetarians and vegans the same way, maybe? interesting to think about! I experience binge factor and feeling of deprivation, but vegetarians and vegans who choose their diet to be limited, probably feel good about their choices!! 

It seems like the article might apply to those giving up food to lose weight but not for people who want to give up those foods for reasons other than losing weight. restricted diet seems primarily unhealthy for the feeling associated with losing weight. vegetarians and vegans don’t have binges or cravings for meat or if they did they wouldn’t be vegetarians or vegans for the right reasons.  

After reading this article, and reflecting on how I feel about trying to follow Whole30 diet plan for past year and a half, I decided, no more dieting and no more binge eating! I crave carbs from grains, especially rice, noodles, pasta, bread, and also crave dairy products, like cheese, milk, yogurt!  And every once in a while I would binge on the food groups I wasn’t supposed to be eating.  And also I would feel guilty because in my mind I was “breaking” or “cheating” on my diet.  So no more binge eating!  No more restricting any food group!  Well, I still want to stay away from alcohol and added sugar in general.  And to all other food?  I will eat mindfully and in moderation.  Yay!  I feel free and liberated from diets at last and will continue to strive for healthy eating and improving my percentage body fat and BMI.  Onwards and Upwards, even if making baby step progress everyday and not always even moving forward, but moving is better than not moving!!


Sleep Apnea – I’m done with it!

I no longer have sleep apnea! Last year I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and had to use C-Pap machine or get a dental device to treat my sleep apnea.  Great news is that I no longer have sleep apnea!  How?  I lost 35 lbs in the past two years.  Last year when I got diagnosed for sleep apnea, I was about 330-35 lbs heavier than I am now.  I lost weight so I went back to my neurologist and took another sleep test.  And she told me my AHI was in the normal range.  She said I should still avoid sleeping on my back and recommended some devices, way cheaper and more comfortable than C-Pap machine.  So I’m just going to post them here.  This is not an advertisement, just a public service announcement of sorts.  After I checked out websites, I decided to use my fanny pack, the kind you wear around your waist like when you are running or something, going to fill it with some old clothes and wear it around my chest when I go to sleep.  Cheapest training device was $79, and can be upwards of few hundred dollars depending on what the device is capable of doing.  So anyway, in case you want a more comfortable and cheaper solution to improving your health and managing your sleep apnea, see below.

My Neurologist recommended the following:

I would still recommend you avoid sleeping on your back.  See below 

Several options for position training include:

Snore ball/sleep apnea t-shirt, backpack(filled with old clothes), a fanny pack with tennis balls, or a pregnancy pillow (U shaped)

Professional bumpers/trainers including :

ZZoma —-

Slumberbump —-

Rem-A-Tee —–

Vibrating Positional trainer

Phillips Night Balance

The Sleep Position Trainer

Night Shift Therapy

NS Home


No one wants to listen to someone expressing self-pity.  I was told yesterday, stop this self-pity.  That’s probably what promoted me to come to my blog site this  morning.  I have thoughts, feelings, and want to express them.  No one wants to hear them, no one I can think of.  But maybe there are some people who don’t mind hearing self-pity because they understand that it’s natural sometimes to feel self-pity and that it’s not necessarily a permanent disposition!  I feel enormous expectations, stress, and fear of failure and self doubt.  Sometimes I feel confident, but sometimes I feel bankrupt of any confidence.

I am a person of faith.  And yes, my faith makes a difference in my life.  But you know, when I’m drowning and feel overwhelmed with emotions that are threatening to consume my sanity, it’s hard to turn to God.  But it is precisely in these moments that God, if ever, could help me.  So many oxymorons in life.  In the moments when I need God, are exactly moments when I feel I can’t turn to God or forget that I have a God who cares about me!

So I write for myself, on this blog, hoping someone would read these words, but also that as I write them that I would hear the sound of my voice crying in the wilderness, and that hearing my words, would remind me of who I am.  Even when I feel utterly alone, yes, remember who I am.  That I am a child of God!!!

fear of losing memories of you

it’s been three weeks. Three long weeks considering how difficult and painful it has been not having you in this world. But time has also passed so fast considering it’s already been three weeks since you were freed from this world.

I fear losing memories of you, E. yesterday for the first time I heard of your death, I wasn’t experiencing constant heart break. By losing sadness that drowns me, am I losing you even more? I want to hold on to you, remember you in sadness and in joy, in pain and your unmatchable energy and enthusiasm for life.

you know, you brought the best in people because you believed in them; you believed that they could be good. with kids you could show them unconditional love. and yet it was unconditional love that felt to you to be out of reach for you to receive. only God could hold you in unconditional love that does not disappoint.

in someways we have all failed you, failed to see your internal turmoil, your vulnerability and your fragility. but a breathe of lovely beauty you were, not so much the resilient sturdy self you wanted to project.

E, you are safe now. the world cannot touch you where you are now. the love of your life, God, stands by you forever and an eternity, never letting you down or leaving you to be alone.

I miss you most

I miss you most in the mornings, E

morning after morning I picked you up and half awake, half asleep drove us to church

some people came to visit, they would come and go

but some of us were regulars because we needed God and we needed each other

Even when I could not even get out of bed rest of the day, I could wake up early for morning prayer meetings

on some days you and I would meet up again to study at a coffee shop, to eat together or run errands

you are so many years younger than me and I am so many older than you

but we connected and accepted each other

we understood that being lazy didn’t mean that we didn’t want to but that we couldn’t

so many times when I needed to be with somebody you were there for me

and I was there for you when you didn’t want to be alone but didn’t want to be with anyone

because with me who knew you already, you didn’t have to fake it

you could just be, without words, without pretending or covering up how you were feeling

i think you knew what you meant to me

i hope that you knew that just as you had a sister and friend in me who would not judge,

that I had a sister and friend who would always be there when you could

and now i miss you terribly

i thank God for you

and I thank God for taking care of you now in ways you need to be taken care of

your wounded spirit can rest in trusting care of God

I will try to find peace in that

I take comfort in knowing that God knows what it is like to lose a close friend to death

Jesus wept. the shortest verse in the Bible comforts me.

As Jesus wept for Lazarus, even though he would resurrect him,

and for his sisters Mary and Martha,

I weep for you now and for your sister and family.

your cousins, they are really all heart and soul.

eternal friendship, that’s what I hope for now