i was in denial. but the fact is i have a problem regulating my blood sugar level. last tuesday i was driving up from out of state and had to stop because i started feeling light headed and disoriented! i hope that never happens on the road again!
still i keep craving sugar. i eat it. then i feel flooded with sugar and can’t think. so why do i keep doing it???
back in january, my doctor told me i was pre-diabetic. but couple days ago when i saw him, he dropped the word “pre” all together. if i hadn’t lost weight, i would have full-blown diabetes. for now, medicine and diet are doing the job of keeping diabetes from becoming full-blown, whatever that means. actually, i do know what full-blown diabetes would mean: it would mean daily insulin injections and constant monitoring of blood-sugar level around meal times. i am glad he didn’t say bluntly that i was diabetic back in january. he made it sound like i’m just at risk and not that i was already there. that motivated me to exercise and change my diet so i could lose weight. and because i lost enough weight and am continuing to lose weight, it’s possible at this point for medicine and diet to keep things under control.
i was feeling today already like life takes so much energy and i am not always sure for what purpose. and after thinking about how the doctor just dropped the word “pre” before diabetes, i feel even more like life is taking up so much energy. food i eat could be toxic to my system if i don’t watch what i eat. i have to exercise other wise my diabetes would become unmanageable. my blood pressure has been low enough that i feel dizzy when i get up sometimes. i guess there are plenty of things to feel down about if i focus on those things. i can’t just pretend life is peachy. i guess i have to also think about good things in life without dismissing harder things in life. it is what it is. but i’m not saying i like what it is…
i’ve been feeling so anxious! what is the matter with me? i guess i’m not sure about a lot of things in my life. lately, i feel pressured to do things i don’t want to do. that’s not a good feeling. i think things are going to have to change. i can’t curl up in bed in fetal position for the rest of the life! but that’s just what i want to do lately.
i think the fact that i’m turning forth in a couple of years is part of the reason i feel anxious. what have i accomplished in my life? my thirties flew by and it’s all a blur too because most of my thirties i was really depressed. i feel like i was robbed of my thirties! i like being in my thirties. i’m not ready to part with it yet!
in other news, i met with my primary care physician. he was really pleased. i dropped a lot in hemoglobin A1C or something like that. it’s one of the two ways diabetes is diagnosed. i was already in diabetic range for the hemoglobin A1C level in my blood. i think i’m in the lower end of pre-diabetic range now. yay!!!
guess all is not lost. 🙂
my doctor told me at the beginning of this year that i’m pre-diabetic. i got scared. so i changed my eating habits. started exercising regularly. i was put on some medicine to regulate glucose level. but then couple weeks ago, i just got sick of watching what i eat all the time. so i started giving into cravings for pasta and sweet things. and now that i have another blood work coming up, i kind of wish that i hadn’t done that. i mean, i’m glad i ate all the food i wanted to eat for past couple weeks, which is still a lot more healthy than the way i used to eat. but i hope my glucose level didn’t increase too much. it sucks to have physical and mental conditions that require medical attention. all i got going for my self that i can say is normal is my spiritual well being!