Merry Christmas…the year all my wishes came true

Merry Christmas, everyone! This was a great Christmas. One friend proposed to a girlfriend of eleven years and she said yes! Another friend gave birth to a beautiful girl! My boyfriend and I are together, again. 🙂 We got to spend Christmas together. And I have a great roommate. I get to see my nieces and my two sisters in two days. I finished four units of CPE which means my badges in hospitals will now say chaplain instead of chaplain intern. I got great feedback on my final paper and terrific grade in the class I was taking. At this point in my life, for everything I could ask for, I got. So happy and feeling great! Thank you, God! Thank you, Jesus!

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a year already?

wow, i moved to nyc about a year ago. it’s shocking what i was like when i came to ny last year and how much i have changed. happy to report that change has been for the better! who knew leaving boston and moving to ny would be one of he best decisions i ever made in my life??? i recovered from depression more than i had ever before. i am working and pursuing goals i want to pursue!!!

ativan

i’m on ativan again.  it miraculously lifted all my anxiety in about an hour; it started kicking in 30 minutes after i took it but could really notice feeling better after about an hour.   i was wondering, does it mean that with the help  of all the meds i’m on, that i can do what i enjoy and want to do?  or that since i need to take meds to do what i want, that maybe i should do something else?  something else that doesn’t require me to need medicine?   it seems silly to ask it, especially when i wrote it and can see it on the screen.  i mean, if i had some other passion which didn’t require meds, then fine.  i should do that.   but since i don’t have dream “b” that i could pursue if dream “a” does not work out, i’ll count my blessings and go on pursuing!  i mean, for some people, medicine doesn’t help either.  so then what are they supposed to do?  take an early retirement from life?  so yeah.  i want to pursue what i am passionate about, without without ativan, etc. etc. etc.

dreams dreams dreams

dreams are funny aren’t they?  i feel my dreams sometimes throws me into my subconsciousness, forcing me to encounter what i really don’t have desire or ability to in my consciousness.  and then when i wake up, i feel like i was re-living my life, at least some aspect of my life. 

so i was dreaming last night of course.  and i dreamt that an old boyfriend, actually an ex-boyfriend, the love of my life, was visiting me.  it’s not far from truth since after breaking up we really did have a reunion.  but in this dream i was able to tell him how much appreciated him all at the same time telling him i’m glad we broke up and that i am glad, so glad, that we didn’t get married.  i feel so empowered! 

it felt nice to be with the love of my life with whom i want nothing to do with.  i think just the friendship itself was so wonderful i wish i had something like it in my life now.  and i have that warm fuzzy feeling inside which i feel sometimes when i feel i have really connected with someone.

dreams dreams dreams