i feel horrible about not being able to go to lunch today with my mom and her friends. the thought of sitting through lunch, listening and participating in conversation at lunch seems like an impossible task for me right now. it is taking all my energy just to prevent my self from crashing…
somehow i’m managing to write again. it’s amazing. since last night i’m writing and organizing my thoughts. how is this possible? wow. wow. wow.
yesterday was parents day in korea where my parents live. so i called mom then dad to thank them. in response they thanked me. huh? i guess they were thankful that i (really my sister who informed me that it was parents day in korea) remembered to call them. their expectation of me/us must be really really low. it’s all good. i’d rather surprise them than not meet their expectations.
i’m not sure what really changed…something seems different. why am i not afraid of writing a bad paper? how am i able to just write? when i talked to my dad yesterday he said that one has to finish what one started because otherwise it just feels icky, and the unfinished business will keep hanging over you all of your life. did that somehow motivate me? who knows? at times like this, it doesn’t matter what jump started my brain and got the creative juices flowing.