maybe the only word that fits the way i feel is “bitter sweet” i want to go home at last, my home in boston. but it was great seeing my parents and spending lots and lots of time with my brother. we contemplated about going on a short trip to India but didn’t act on it so our inaction decided for us. 🙂
it’s been difficult to communicate with my bf, obviously. when you’re single and wondering who likes you or who doesn’t like you and who you like and who you don’t like, the name of the game is certainty, right? you think someone is or might be interested. ooooh how life would be so easy if he/she would just come right out and say so?
my bf and i started dating each other exclusive fairly early from when we met. became bg & gf officially near the end of the first month of dating. what i want to say is that even though we have this official status as bf and gf, if we don’t get to talk for a while i still need way of communicating that he still loves me. it’s quite different, isn’t it? knowing someone loves you vs hearing them say ILY or having them do things that shout out i love you!
i think i definitely respond more with verbal affirmations. it’s just the kind of person i am. love hugs and kisses, and everything else, but would like to hear other person say or do things that speak ILY to me clearly and loudly! boy, i wish my bf were reading my blogs, but i don’t think he is. hehe
i didn’t go to korea to visit my parents this week as planned. it must sound so bad. but i feel really really good about this. i know my parents love me. i know i love them. but where does the desire to want to see them or to spend time with them come from? i’m not really getting a huge overwhelming sense of guilt nor the desire to go visit them. i have felt this way for a few years now. okay, maybe i have felt this way for over a decade. living away from one’s parents, when you visit your parents, one would think that you feel at home when you go visit, right? i don’t feel like i am visiting home when i go to visit my parents in korea. all i feel is that i am visiting my parents in the place they happen to be living. korea doesn’t seem like the place in which i grew up. i don’t feel at home there. i don’t feel at home with my parents either. strangely, but honestly, i feel at home in otherways, in other places, with other people. feeling at home is a mysterious and delicate feeling. and lately i don’t know where i feel at home. i sure do love to rest on my bed though, in my room, in the apartment i live with my sister. 🙂
i’m leaving korea tomorrow morning! the trip has been meaningful. it was a lot of quality family time.
we spent three days in japan and we got to see our uncle, aunt, and nephew. i hadn’t seen all of them in like two and a half years so it was great to see them again.
i finally got to try redmango today. the frozen yogurt was really smooth. but the toppings weren’t as good as back in the states. i have some pictures which i will load up when i get back home.
man, i’m so ready to come back home. my parents want me to spend about a year in korea. so i said, no can do. i don’t know why but i’m really scared to live in korea.
my brother went with his classmates to clean up the oil spill damage. so i won’t be able to see him before i leave tomorrow, i think. i sure wish i could see him before i leave.
i feel good. really good.