No one wants to listen to someone expressing self-pity. I was told yesterday, stop this self-pity. That’s probably what promoted me to come to my blog site this morning. I have thoughts, feelings, and want to express them. No one wants to hear them, no one I can think of. But maybe there are some people who don’t mind hearing self-pity because they understand that it’s natural sometimes to feel self-pity and that it’s not necessarily a permanent disposition! I feel enormous expectations, stress, and fear of failure and self doubt. Sometimes I feel confident, but sometimes I feel bankrupt of any confidence.
I am a person of faith. And yes, my faith makes a difference in my life. But you know, when I’m drowning and feel overwhelmed with emotions that are threatening to consume my sanity, it’s hard to turn to God. But it is precisely in these moments that God, if ever, could help me. So many oxymorons in life. In the moments when I need God, are exactly moments when I feel I can’t turn to God or forget that I have a God who cares about me!
So I write for myself, on this blog, hoping someone would read these words, but also that as I write them that I would hear the sound of my voice crying in the wilderness, and that hearing my words, would remind me of who I am. Even when I feel utterly alone, yes, remember who I am. That I am a child of God!!!
being tired and not getting enough sleep, totally not a good combination! i was seriously drowning in self-pity before taking a nap this morning. had to get up early after a late night to go to a homeless shelter for community service engagement where i thought i was going to preach but didn’t because they were double booked. anyway after early morning activities, serving breakfast, moving chairs up and down the stairs, etc., totally tired, totally lacking sleep. came home and slept, but not soon enough! before falling asleep, i felt totally sorry for myself about a thousand and one things. even after getting sleep and eating lunch, still couldn’t get a grip on life until mid afternoon. felt better by the time i was making coffee. times like today just have to remember things are not as bad as they seem and my feelings are totally misleading me to some kind of downward spiral when i don’t get enough sleep and i’m tired and maybe even hungry… my sugar level might have been on a roller coaster too. being pre-diabetic is no walk in the park. so glad i’m feeling renewed after sleeping, resting, eating, drinking coffee, talking to couple friends, etc. totally necessary at times to take a few steps back to get myself back on the track. i’m so thankful for the way things are in my life…why was i feeling so sorry for myself earlier today??? feeling rather silly now.