after a month of silence, I spoke to my significant other finally. he said a month of silence doesn’t mean he wanted to break up with me. I am baffled and relieved at the same time. DTR, aka defining the relationship is to be continued next week. I never understood how some couples stay together. I’m beginning to understand where hearts of two people are involved, two hearts connected or tangled up on love, nothing is simple. logic or common sense doesn’t apply as one might expect. people have different issues and when two people with life time worth of issues, shaped by upbringing, family, cultural, religious beliefs and practices, you can’t assume you know until you confirm with your other half. only by the grace of God is it possible to protect oneself and each other. where hearts are involved, risk of getting heart broken is real and near. strange thing about love is, it makes me overcome my fears about getting heart broken. if I was so sure after a month of silence that only possible explanation was that the relationship was over, I wonder, how much I have grieved God due to my silence when God was waiting for me.
when everything in life loses it’s focus and things become blurry and bleak, look to nature. seriously, God made heavens and the earth. he created me. he didn’t do it out of boredom, did he? just because I feel lost doesn’t mean God doesn’t know where I am. I will try to take comfort in that today.
what i have rather than what i don’t have is what i have to appreciate. presently, i am making most of my solitude, singleness and freedom. indulging my wishes, desires and impulses can’t be sustained, i know. for now, however, i am living and moving onwards and upwards to wherever God leads me. of course i wish i knew where i was headed what i will have and what i won’t get to have. i don’t want to be disappointed. but fear won’t hold me back either. still, i am scared to be alone. then i remember, while i feel alone, i’m not really alone in this world. yes, my significant other and i are walking separate ways, but my true love hasn’t and won’t leave me.